Onwords™

Thursday, April 09, 2009

2009 Read With Kids Challenge

The , sponsored by Reading Is Fundamental (RIF) and US Airways, has officially taken off!

From the RIF website: "This year, the Challenge aims to collectively log 5 million minutes spent reading with children from April 1-June 30. Reading books with your kids is still important despite the fact that kids today read everything from text messages to endless Web sites on the Internet-- sometimes it takes a good old-fashioned book to help them advance their reading skills."

Log on today to create a team or begin tracking your individual progress.



Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Why is it...

Why is it that a Puerto Rico t-shirt on a white person or a PR flag bumper sticker is assumed to be a souvenir of a fun vacation, but a Puerto Rico t-shirt on a Latino person or a PR flag on their car is taken as a sign of hostility or that they're not "a real American"?

Why is it that NARAL has been re-named several times, with less emphasis on abortion with each successive name? Originally called the National Association for the Repeal of Abortion Laws, then the National Abortion Rights Action League, the National Abortion & Reproductive Rights Action League, and now NARAL Pro-Choice America. If you believe a woman has the right to abort the life within her, why take "abortion" out of your name? Why call it "reproductive freedom" or "reproductive justice" instead of "abortion"?

Why is it that Bill and Monica were none of our business but Bristol and Levi are? (Spare me the skew that it's different because the Palin's purport to be conservative, religious, etc.) Are other people's sex lives our business or not? Gay, straight, teen, adult, John Edwards, Elliot Spitzer...? It's a 'yes' or 'no' question.

Why is it that so many self-titled Christians express and demonstrate extreme intolerance, when according to the Bible, Jesus calls us to peace?

Why is it that so many self-titled Muslims express and demonstrate extreme intolerance, when Islam is a religion of peace?

Why is it that some people defend Muslims in general while attacking Christians in general for the same behavior?

Why is it that people from both major political parties seem convinced that the other party controls the media?



Labels: , , , , , ,

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Sarah Palin: What does the VP do?

The joke of the week has been vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin's statement that she doesn't actually know what the vice president does. The real joke, however, is the one played on the American public by the media, who overwhelmingly have taken Palin's quote out of context for no other reason (that I can think of) than to make Palin sound stupid and unqualified.

I don't know if she is either stupid or unqualified; I haven't heard enough from her to know. What I do know is that what Palin said - when taken in it's entirety - makes her sound challenging and productive.

She may or may not be those things, but any media who think I'm too stupid to figure it out for myself is unqualified to call what it reports "news."

What Palin really said:
When Larry Kudlow of CNBC's "Kudlow & Co." asked her about the possibility of becoming McCain's ticket mate, Palin replied:
"As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day? I'm used to being very productive and working real hard in an administration. We want to make sure that that VP slot would be a fruitful type of position, especially for Alaskans and for the things that we're trying to accomplish up here for the rest of the U.S., before I can even start addressing that question."

It seems obvious to me that her question about the VP position was rhetorical. Like labeling some crimes "hate crimes." What the hell are the others? "Love crimes"?




, , , , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Word Burning

I'd like to add a few to this list of from Lake Superior State University.

Download - As in "Thanks for letting me download all of that."

Undocumented Worker - Non-citizens who enter any country illegally are illegal aliens. A kid with a paper route who hasn't gotten working papers yet is an undocumented worker.

Irregardless - Always used to mean "regardless", so just say "regardless".

Pro-Choice - Unless you provide equal financial, political, educational, emotional, social, and physical support to women who choose life for their unborn children, it's not really pro-choice. It's pro-abortion. Why not say that?

Personal - "My personal opinion." "My personal friend." "My personal favorite." If it's yours, of course it's personal.

Knowingly - As in "I never knowingly took steroids." Irregardless of your celebrity status, you're responsible for what goes in your body. Right, Jamie Lynn?

Clinton




Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Drunken Monkeys

Too bad Spam messages aren't ever as funny as their subject lines.

Some of my recent favorites:

Some millstone promiscuity
Jonathan, a gill
Fannie, or cardboard
Raymond deactivate
Lou incomplete
Him housewares but smoky
Quite dominion but millionth
Half candidate in reproach
She amulet the embellish
Friends he accumulated
Some frame the ankle
Inventive with relish




Monday, April 23, 2007

Disorder in the Court

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.


ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
go to?
WITNESS: Oral.


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy on him!


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.





Wednesday, February 14, 2007

It Was Just An e-Greeting

It read, "Let our lives be our Thanksgiving".

I've been turning that phrase over in my mind for the last eight hours.

Is my life my Thanksgiving? In some ways, yes.

I give thanks each morning for the blessings of another day: to hear my daughter play in her crib and see my husband across the breakfast table; for the ability to taste fresh fruit and touch warm laundry and smell the rain.

I give thanks each afternoon for the confidence that the schoolbus winding through my neighborhood carries only children, not bombs. I know that such confidence is a luxury. I give thanks for the ability to bend and stretch and walk without pain, and I'm grateful to have enough food to prepare dinner for my family.

I give thanks each night that I live in this country, where despite religious, political, racial and social discord, I am free to believe what I want to believe and free to speak it openly.

Is my life my Thanksgiving? In some ways, no.

In line at the bank, I'm more likely to feel impatient with waiting than grateful that I have money to withdraw.

Bagging leaves in my yard, I sometimes feel annoyed at the chore rather than grateful for the beauty and wonder of mature trees.

My To Do list is too long, the weekends are too short, and my family too far away. Or I'm blessed to have a full life, two days off every week, and reasons to roadtrip to eight other states. It all depends on how I look at it.

It was just an e-greeting, but I'm keeping it in my Inbox. I may need the reminder a few days from now when I'm scrubbing crayon off the wall.




Labels: , , , , ,